I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
