I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
