fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
