Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
