Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
