Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
