Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Randomize
