No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
