Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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