I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
