It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I looked at my own cervix.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
