If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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