i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Send help, water and tortillas.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
