Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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