I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
