Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
