dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
