Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
