is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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