Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
