And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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