ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
