I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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