You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
