how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
