Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
