You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I feel great
I just peed on a car
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
