He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
