Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
