My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
