do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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