I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I am never drinking with the goths again.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
