So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
