I'm lost and stupid without you.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
