does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
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