so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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