he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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