Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
she pinky promised me she was 18
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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