I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
