I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
