OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
How's work?
Spinning.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
