Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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