capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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