I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
