Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
