I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She's the barista slut.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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