i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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