He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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