my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
