When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
