I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
