It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
