I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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