Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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