I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
