I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
