Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
